My Queer Little Hobby

Well if you know me at all you certainly know about my oddball hobby- entering contests. Half of you reading this probably already win more than I do.

For those of you who don't know, a brief explanation. I enter sweeps regularly on-line and through the mail or in person if I see them. I use www.SweepsAdvantage.com for the online stuff and keep my eyes open for the mail stuff.

I have been doing this for several years and have had a ton of fun and lots of amazing wins, including several ipods, cash, tons of free products, trips etc. I enter at least some thing every single day since wining has little to do with luck and more to do with consistency.

Anyway, I thought I would share a list of some of the stranger things I have won:

• tweezers
• 1 bottle of baby oil
• A penguin. Yes a real penguin. Well, a real adopted penguin from this organization: http://www.penguinfoundation.org.au/
  

3 pocket knives (why 3? I have no idea)

A photo album for my cat

A much coveted stuffed wiener mobile from Oscar Myer

2 packs of Camels

Cheese

A year's supply of shampoo and conditioner

A year subscription to yahoo personals

A pressure washer

And then there are the beverage wins, which seem to be my forte:

• 50 2-Liters of Diet Coke


• Sobe energy drinks


• Multiple 2 liters of 7-UP


• A year's supply of Monster Energy drink


• A year's supply of Vitamin water- which my girlfriend also won so we had 2 year's worth!

In case you don't believe me, I included the above picture to show you what a year's supply worth of Vitamin Water looks like.

Perhaps soon I will talk about the dark underbelly of the sweeps world- filled with pot-smoking paranoid web site owners, megalomaniac transsexual newsletter creators, scammers and hideous cheapskates, sad fag hags who eat their feelings and spies who sell out friends. Seriously, it is a strange strange world out there.

Look Ma, a blog post with no swearing! Either all the praying for my soul is working or I'm getting fucking soft.

10-4 Good buddies! And 10-40 for that matter.

Lazy blogger

So I should probably say this up front some where. I am a lazy blogger. I just pretty much assume no one is reading this so if I do blog it is really just for my own benefit. Couple that laziness with the fact that I am a procrastinator and shit takes forever to get done around me. It's amazing that most days I even shower. I think I still owe my high school English teacher, Mrs. Blount, a book report.

Since I have last blogged spring has come, I have gone to New York and back, I won $100 from ebay, I managed to catch a cold that will not be defeated and the dog has picked up the lovely habit of sitting in the window to howl at neighbors. In the dog's defense he really only howls at little kids in wheelchairs and other dogs. Thank God he is quiet when the orthodox Catholics from the nearby church walk around our block singing. I was worried about the scene he might create but it seems at least he has respect for his maker cause Lord knows he only has respect for me when I am dangling a piece of cheese in his face.

J out

Canine Colitis

My damn dog has colitis, fancy vet speak for a very expensive upset tummy. In reality it means I am left pondering a question you really don't want to answer wrong- "is that solid enough to pick up?".

$173 later and several nights filled with 2AM poo runs and Dave is fine. Thankfully his cuteness factor is high and I'm a sucker for cute.

On a related note a recent report says that more and more Americans are drugging their pets, spending 2.9 BILLION dollars on pet medication in 2005 (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070311/ap_on_he_me/pets_on_meds;_ylt=AiWGPuk_JXCPSNloEl5mFw2CSbYF ).

The new "big" thing? Weight loss drugs for our pets. Yeah how about just cutting back on the treats, geniuses. Our dumb, overweight, lazy indulgent American asses will buy anything, won't we? Sorry Dave but if your puggle ass gets fat it's less food for you chunker. Now if I could only get someone to do that for my fat ass.

tootles poodles

Mama I is Edumacated!

I saw a book list on another blog an figured I would be a lazy ass copy cat and make my own list of books I need to read. I have to put that literature degree to some sort of use and if this shitty blog is that use, so be it. I'm OK with that. I really just added the lit major on because I wasn't ready to graduate and figured "hell, why not? Reading The Canterbury Tales in it's original Middle English sounds like a hoot!".

Keeping in the theme of thievery I was going to steal a list of recommendations from the Museum, Libraries and Archives Council, http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,1721526,00.htmlbut that list sucks. Who the hell becomes a librarian anyway? I'll tell you- anal people who get off following the Dewey Decimal System- that's who. I loathe the Dewey System with all it's decimals and order and what-not. So fuck that list. Who cares what Librarians think I should read?

So I continued my search for a decent list. You should know, I'm a Virgo and as disorganized as I am for a Virgo I really adore a purty list. Do you think I could find a damn list out there I like? Nope. If I told you what I have read it would just be a half-assed attempt at trying to be impressive and really, who the hell cares how well read I am? So instead let me tell you why I am not reading some of the books on this, the mega list of must reads:

http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html

The board's list:

Ulysses- Number 1 must read? Did some sadistic pent-up, mother-fucker of a college prof make this list? I managed to get a degree in Lit never ONCE opening this book and I don't plan to open it now. I pride myself on the fact that I never wasted hours of my life reading 1000 pages of this shit. I suffered through a forced reading of "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" and I wanted to slit my wrists through most of it.


The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man- Oh fuck me sideways, didn't we just go over this one? I'm guessing Finnigans Wake is making it on this shit-ass list later on too. Thank God Joyce was too drunk to write much more then that.

The Great Gatsby- Zzzzzz...oh huh? I slept through lectures on this drivel in college. I read a few pages, what I needed to and no more. Love Triangles, scorn the immoral rich blah blah blah. Next.

I, Claudius- People read that on purpose? I thought it was just one of those books you had on your shelf to look impressive. I will say this- my girlfriend made me watch the BBC DVD and what I was awake for was scandalous and not so bad.

Women in Love, Tropic of Cancer- This list WAS made by pent-up college profs too ashamed to admit they actually read Playboy.

The reader's list:

Ayn Rand?? L. Ron Hubbard? That is who dominates the top 10 of this list?

Can't read further...

Shut it. Whore.

So it isn't the nicest title for a blog. I'm not building up treasure in heaven or good karma and my bottled water isn't making pretty crystal shapes that resemble a heart filled with goodness and joy because of the words I love so much- "shut it" and "whore".

I use those words all the time in my house- the dog, the cat, the TV and my beloved all get told to shut it fairly often. What can I say, it makes me happy. Damn it all to hell isn't that all that really matters? Seriously people, who the hell would read this shit anyway?



Anywoo....
I recently read "The Hidden Messages in Water" by Dr. Masaru Emoto
(https://www.hado.net/index.php) .

If you can get past the pseudo-scientific babbling and the sorta creepy blah dee blah on love and goodness the book has an interesting insight on the impact of words on the world around us. I have since started talking to my little bottle of Evian in a whole new way. I highly recommend the book, but not Dr. Emoto's personal web site, unless you are a really out there hippy-freak that brushes their teeth with raw clay and washes with hot rocks and shit. If you are that out there dirty hippy-freak then you might want to say the water prayer:

http://www.thank-water.net/english/index.html


Later Taters


PS Fans of heavy metal music, nasty city water and phrases like " you fool" may find Dr. Emoto's work offensive.